All In

No, I'm not in Vegas gambling all my money away. :) I figured you might think that by the name of the title. But I've actually got eggs on the brain. We buy our eggs from a friend that has chickens. I can hardly eat them from the store anymore. I know, I'm an egg snob. We have gone back and forth with the idea of getting our own chickens here. The thing is, my husband barely has any extra time on his hands as it is, and I'm pregnant and have to chase around two little boys. So, we are thinking that when Brody is mature enough to do it himself and have a little business, then he can take over the chickens.
Have you ever heard the expression, "don't put all your eggs in one basket?" My dad used to say that all the time about money. He meant don't put all your money in one place. If you invest all your money somewhere and it fails, you are completely broke. Diversify your assets! But I'm not talking about money today.
Someone recently told me that when we become followers of Jesus, ultimately we have put all our eggs in one basket. Isn't that something to think about. I have mulled it over and over in my brain. I can't stop thinking about it. I ask myself, "Have I put all my eggs in?" I think sometimes I try to withhold an egg from the Lord because I'm scared what He will do with it. Or I will even take back an egg that I have surrendered to Him. The thing is, He is the only One in my life with whom I can entrust all my eggs to. That's what I'm doing with my life, my relationships, my children, my finances, my worship, my eternity. I'm putting it all in. I know I'm gonna trip and break an egg, so I don't want the basket. I want Him to have it and all my eggs. I'M ALL IN!







 

Mommy War

I wonder why I even bother to write while being pregnant.  My brain cells seemed to have frozen up.  I can't remember normal words while forming a sentence.  Things such as, "Brody, can you please put your wrapper in the ?????"  I'm searching for the word trash, or garbage can.  But nothing is coming to the surface, so I say "thing."  By which he replies, "what thing?"  AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  What's wrong with me??  Why is my memory like that of an 85 year old woman?  How come I can't remember why I went upstairs???  Or where I put my phone 5 seconds ago?  Thankfully, I know there is an end.  I will regain part of my brain back.  Though I have been informed that it may never fully return.  I believe it's the life of a mother.  Our days are so packed with lists of things to do that it's normal that you would go ahead and throw your new iphone, which you totally forgot was in your back pocket, into the washer for a full cycle.  UGH!  That one got me in big trouble.  :)  But life must go on! 

Well, I have recently been battling as a mother, the judgmental attitude of mothers.  I'm not sure that even makes sense, but I will try to explain as best as my misfiring brain can.  Recently I was upset by two people groups..."working" moms and "stay at home" moms.  One of my friends said, "I have double duty, I work all day and then I have to come home and take care of the kids.  My job never ends."  I was thinking, but didn't say, And what exactly do you think I do all day?  Knit?  Eat brownies?  Nap?  If you honestly believe that you are dead wrong.  My day never ends as well.  Then there is the other side of the spectrum.  I have a friend who told me, "I don't even know why women have children if they aren't going to raise them."  Really?  Do you honestly believe that every woman is wired to do the same thing in life?  And just because you work that you aren't raising your children?  My mama worked her whole life and I don't feel like I was raised by anyone else but my mama.  I honestly cannot even tell you who babysat me while mom went to work.  I can't remember that far back.  I have never felt neglected or unloved because my mom didn't stay home.  I hope I'm not ranting too much, but I just feel like there is so much hostility between moms.

Honestly there are times I would love to work outside the home to regain some sanity and adult interaction.  It doesn't happen often, but that is because God has put it in my heart to stay home.  I have a college degree and am a competent worker, but this is a dream that God gave to me personally.  This is my life's work.  It doesn't mean it's all women's life work.  But if you are working and God has put this on your heart, then I believe He will make a way financially for it to happen.  There are sacrifices that we make as a family, but this is what we believe we are to do, so we do it.  And if you are a stay at home mother and hate every day of it, then you need to start praying about what it is you are supposed to be doing.  Because I promise God doesn't want you to loathe working at home your entire life.  We are wired differently.  Each woman is not the same.  We are unique.  Stop the mommy hating!  It's one of the hardest jobs there is...raising kids.  You are doing it whether you are working inside or outside of the home.  Well that is my rant for the day.  It has been bothering me lately.  I am not going to apologize to anyone for staying home.  I despise the question, "Do you work?"  Why yes, yes I do, all day, just like the rest of the world. 

So next time you are tempted to judge what other moms are doing, think again!  Support them, be there for them, hug them, pray for them.  All of us need encouragement to keep doing what we were called to do. 

Remember the Proverbs 31 woman ladies! 

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character  (Proverbs 31:10-31)

^{10 [b]}A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Just Keep Swimming...

I am really slacking on my blogging.  Believe me, I realize this.  It's not how I want to be, yet I am.  The word "helpless" comes to mind.  This made me look up "helpless" on the thesaurus.  It came up with words like: incapable (ouch), incompetent, vulnerable, debilitated, defenseless, dependent, feeble, forlorn, unable, unfit (double ouch), and weak.  Yep, that pretty much sums me up these past couple months.  I could easily throw myself into a deep depression and say poor me...which don't get me wrong...I've done a few times.  But I am trying to get up every day and find little things to be thankful for. 
My children are healthy, even if my house is a mess. 
My sheets are washed, even if you could write your name on my side table. haha
My parents are coming to see me, even though I can't be the hostess I want to be.
I made dinner 3 nights in a week, even though Bo had to clean up the dishes for us.
My house is warm, even if my heating oil bills are more like a house payment. 
Jesus is my strength, even when I have none left. 
He never leaves me, even when I don't have the energy to give him anything in return.

Isn't He good.  Isn't He powerful.  He's all the opposites of the word helpless.  He is capable.  He is competent.  He is my defense.  He is strong.  He is able.  Thank you Lord for being those things for me. 

Psalm 29:11
The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Isaiah 33:2
O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.

Isaiah 40:29
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

2 Thessalonians 3:3 But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.

I take great encouragment from these verses.  When I can't get up off the couch and feel like an unfit mother.  Or when I look around at the mess crashing down around me.  And when I'm so weak I can't carry the boys up the stairs, I have to believe that God will bring me through this.  There is blessing at the end of the trial.  Only 26 more weeks until this baby gets here.  I must press on.  Thank you for the prayers everybody.  I am so appreciative.

Time Flies

Wow, is it September already?  I totally got sidetracked through August I guess.  We had tons and tons of people visiting.  So between cleaning and cooking and life, August is gone.  I never knew until I was parent that life goes so quickly.  My mom and dad used to tell me how fast the time was going as I was growing up.  To me, it was turtle slow.  But to them the years seemed to coast and even get confusing as to what happened when.  I'm finally understanding what they meant.  My baby is 4 years old?  My other baby is 15 months?  I'm not quite sure how they grew so quickly, but I also don't remember what life was like without them.

Brody and I have started preschool again this year.  Last year we did 2 or 3 days a week, and this year we are going to increase that to 3 or 4 days a week.  It's really quite easy when you have an easy learner.  He's like a sponge for information.  So since he's really been into dinosaurs, this week we are focusing on that.  I am having to re-program his mind to understanding that God created the world and the dinosaurs, there was no meteor that out of nowhere that made earth.  And there is nothing that evolved or is evolving and the earth is not millions of years old.  Here I thought I was helping him by letting him watch Discovery on Netflix.  So, I'm explaining that what he has learned is actually a lie...it's a little difficult, but he's getting it.  Next week we are going to start talking about fall and all the fun stuff that goes with that.  I could spend weeks upon weeks with that.  I love fall.  It's so beautiful. 

Gage on the other hand has decided that he will never walk.  I mean really, he's 15 months old...13 if you count the prematurity, and he just sees no use for it.  Of course he cruises anything he possibly can, but as for letting go, that's not happening.  He has a new fake laugh that is hilarious and loves to kiss and wrestle his brother all the time.  I love that cuddle bug.

Life on the farm has slowed a bit with fall coming.  We are all done inseminating animals and now the bull and the billy's are finishing up their job for the year.  You have never seen them so happy. :)  Bo is still moving the cattle and hasn't started to feed hay just yet.  That is a blessing because of how dry it has been.  It still seems way too early to even think about feeding hay, but that's what lack of rain does to the fields.  It's the cycle of life for a farmer.  There's always the unknown to worry about, but thankfully God is in control. 

And He is more in control than what Bo and I thought as well.  We were kind of on the fence as to if we were going to have another baby.  I was more open to it, but thought I really liked the distance between the boys.  I figured I could probably talk Bo into it in a year or two.  What neither of us planned on was God's plan...haha!  He has a way of saying, "Ummm...remember me, I'm the ultimate planner.  I got it all under control!"  Well, He really surprised us in July when we found out we were going to add another little one to the mix.  I was in total shock and oblivion.  Neither one of us could believe it, but after several tests we decided it was probably true.  Tomorrow is our first ultrasound to see the little peanut.  We will know all the details then.  From what I can calculate I'm about 10 weeks along and due the first weekish of April.  So yeah, surprise!  If you think about it, please pray with us as we are believing that this baby is perfect and will go full-term and that this morning/all day/night sickness will subside soon.  Bo is really tired of frozen pizza and cleaning the house.  :)

Assured

I'm sitting here trying to hold it together while my two boys are napping.  The grief and the ache of what was once to be is again brought to my attention.  Two years ago we were expecting our second child.  Bo had come through the kitchen door and I was holding the stick to announce to him our second baby was on the way.  We wanted to wait to tell our families until we could see them in person.  A week went by in excitement and anticipation and pure joy.  That weekend I woke up not feeling quite right.  I went to the restroom and found that I was miscarrying.  Nothing can prepare you for this.  We then had to to tell our clueless parents that I had lost their grandchild.  It plummeted us both into a deep pit of despair.  I became very depressed and very upset with God.  Bo was the same.  Those questions that always arise in crisis were overwhelming our thoughts.  "God, you could have prevented this!"  "What have we done to deserve this?!"  "Aren't we doing everything right?"  And many more.  It took lots of time and examining of our hearts to decide what we believed to be true about God.  I'm sure any one having to deal with the death of a loved one has to go through a process of grieving and then healing.  He showed us so much in that time and we will never be the same. 

I have never lost a family member that I've been close to.  And it sort of freaks me out to think about it.  My mom and dad and I are super close and if either of them ever went to be with Jesus, I think I would have a nervous breakdown.  Just thinking about it makes me get panicky.  But just last week I finally had a moment where I thought about death and I was okay.  I was thinking of mom and dad and how much I miss them and what would I do if they weren't there anymore.  And I was at peace.  I thought, "I will die and go to heaven someday as well...and I will be with them forever."  How reassuring.  How blessed I am to have two parents who love the Lord as I do and I am not worried where they will be when that time comes.  And how blessed I am to go through a grieving process where I can come to the end knowing that Jesus himself is holding my baby in His arms just waiting for me to get there to see her again.  Brings tears of joy that He loves me that much and tears of pain that I missed out on knowing that life.  I love raising my boys and it's part of my calling, so that hurts even more. 

But God is faithful.  He is the life-GIVER, not taker.  And His promises are true. 

I recently was watching a show on NBC called, "Is Heaven For Real?"  Of course there are so many answers to that from so many religions.  But what really caught my attention was the lady who was an atheist.  She was saying how religious people just hold on to heaven as a crutch to get through their grief that they will see their loved ones again.  And as an atheist she just thinks that you just get this one life, so make the best of it.  It was really shocking and sad to me.  You do just get this one life on earth, and I do believe we should use our gifts and talents that God gave us to further His Kingdom.  But that's not it.  If you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, He is right now preparing a place for you to come to whenever this life is over.  I pray that I will live until His second coming.  I pray I get to hear the sound of that trumpet and meet Him in the clouds and have Him hand my baby back to me with all joy. 

I live with this assurance every day.  Praise God that He loved me first and that I chose to love Him back!  We all have a choice...if you want to know more about what Jesus did for you, please click on the link.  http://www.godssimpleplan.org/gsps-english.html

John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”

Romans 8:16-17 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

2 Corinthians 5:6-8So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.

1 Thessalonians 4:16-18For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.

Romans 8:38-39 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 14:8 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.

Dream

There are times in our lives when we have different aspirations.  When I was in high school and college, my dreams were different than they are now.  If you would have asked me then, it would have sounded something like, "to graduate, to become a teacher, to get married, to have kids."  And I didn't realize until the past few weeks, that those dreams have come to fruition.  Several people have challenged me recently to think about what I want in life.  What has God laid on my heart? 
And as I have started to think on this again, I have realized that new dreams are there.  They don't sound lofty...like get my master's or doctorate...which is totally awesome for those of you doing that.  And I think I've been a little embarrassed to verbally speak my longings to anyone besides my husband for fear of being judged too harshly.  But I decided it might help someone to be okay with the dreams God has placed on their own heart. 

So right now, in this time of my life, I believe God is preparing my family for a dream He has laid on our hearts.  And Bo and I are separate people, but it seems we are knit together by common goals and dreams.  I have loved becoming more of a farm girl and have truly grown to like our animals and wide open spaces.  I don't think we will ever live in a town again.  Unless God verbally tells us to. :)  But I honestly have this longing or pull in my heart to be a teacher to my children.  Which in the world's standards is waaaay out there.  And even to my own at one time.  But God has obviously been changing my heart on that matter.  Another is to work together as a family, growing and learning and teaching our children what it means to work hard.  I feel like so many of the next generation has an entitlement attitude.  And I want to instill a core value of a good work ethic in my children.  I want my children to be kind to others and genuine and loving.  I want them to look a little different by the way that they act.  I want that for myself as well.  I want to be Jesus to others.  I probably seem a little cuckoo to people at times.  But that's okay with me.  I'm sure people looked at Jesus like He was smoking something. haha!  Like the woman at the well...lepers...lame...blind...the outcasts... 
Someday I hope to engage people daily by having a little farmer's market.  Which I know seems strange to many.  But I've become okay with being strange. :)  I am who I am.  I am not like anyone else.  I am a child of God and He has a unique and perfect plan for me.  Don't shy away from what God is leading you toward.  Listen closely to His direction.  So many people are doing their usual jobs and their dreams seem like only dreams that will never happen.  But what if you followed those dreams that He has placed on your heart.  What if you gave them a chance and asked God if that was from Him and something He wants you to do.  What if you could be doing your dream job!  Praise the Lord if you have stepped out in faith to do what He has called you to do.  Bo and I believe God is leading us on a path toward a dream that He made for us...each of us a little different...but funny how God made them knit together.  He thinks of everything. :o) 
And don't freak out if you don't think you have a dream.  Ask God to let you know what He wants you to do.  I thought for a moment a few weeks ago that I didn't have a purpose or a dream but when I truly took the time to seek His will, they were magnified in my heart.  It was like a peace settled on me.  And dreams change too.  Keep asking God and surrendering you heart to Him so that you are not so focused on the dream that you miss a detour.  Sometimes we need to be changed and molded first before we can completely obtain our dreams.  Obviously I don't have all the answers of how to achieve your dreams.  But I do know God has plans for us.  He wants good for us.  And all we have to do is ask to be directed. 

The plans of the heart belong to man,
but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.
All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
but the Lord weighs the spirit.
Commit your work to the Lord,
and your plans will be established. Proverbs 16:1-3

The heart of man plans his way,
but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9

O Lord, you are my God;
I will exalt you; I will praise your name,
for you have done wonderful things,
plans formed of old, faithful and sure.  Isaiah 25:1

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.  James 4:13-16

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:25-33

Faithful Fred

Ya know, I used to think bats were bad.  And I don't mean wooden ones.  I mean little rodent, bug-eating bats that fly around and you are scared may turn on you and "vant to suck your blood!"  We haven't had a mosquito bite in 2 years because last summer and this summer we have had a small bat infestation.  Last year one got in the house and Brody and I (Gage wasn't home yet) took cover under a blanket screaming for our lives.  Bo chased it upstairs and killed it with a broom.  Then proceeded to tell me that he's sure that they are some type of little demon.  And had a terrifying shiver.  It was traumatic for him.  Yet he's not afraid of a coyote????  But all in all, bats are good.  They take care of all our bugs and as long as they are outside I'm cool. 

Well this year, we had faithful Fred.  (See him hanging there)  Fred never leaves.  And I love Fred because he hangs up on top of the house.  His guano (fancy word for bat poo) doesn't get on anything and I feel no danger from him.  He is here every day and has never left us all summer.  But he has some unruly friends who have decided to make their home sweet home right by my door.  It's disturbing...there's guano all over by my door every morning, and little screeching noises every time I open the door to go in or out.  I act like a maniac trying to get in and out of the house every day.  I open the door and yell, "run Brody!"  And I'm always thinking I'm going to be attacked or one will fly in the house and bite us and we will all get rabies.  It's very frightening.  The weird thing is, they will be here for like 3 or 4 days and then they leave for a week and then are back.  So I was trying to think of a really cool story to go with the bats.  Or an amazingly great comparison.  And all I can come up with is that I want to be like Fred.  Sounds a little creepy at first. :)  But he's faithful, steady, not swayed by his friends.  His friends are drifters...when they get what they want, they move on to the next place they can find their sustenance.  Fred just waits it out.  I want that quality.  I want to be unmovable in my faith.  When life gets hard, I want to be unshakable.  I want to believe that no matter what my God is gonna bring me through.  Always has, Always will.  So that may be a stretch...but in your heart...don't you kind of want to be like Fred?  Any other insight anyone has would be greatly appreciated.  Or a verse you want to share?

Where the other bats reside...right by my kitchen door!

Input-Output

My mom is famous in my family for her sayings...some of which include:


"If all your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you?"
"Just say no, that's the magic word.  NO NO NO!" 
"Look carefully at the closest associations in your life, for that is the direction you are heading."
"What is right is not always popular, and what is popular is not always right." 

They have stuck with me over time and now I think about them when I see people I know and myself doing the wrong thing whenever we know better to do the right thing.  It takes no sense of thought or discernment to say yes to worldly things.  It takes character and obedience to say no.

My husband spoke last Wednesday night at our church.  He spoke on doing the right thing no matter what.  Doing right with small decisions and big decisions.  He used men from the Bible...Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  They were faithful to God in the small and the big decisions of life, and God was faithful and saved them from death.  He went on to say that in this world you can argue and debate just about any issue.  It's happening right now all over the internet and every media venue.  People are debating issues and some believe there's gray areas... but I believe that's not true.  I believe God gave us the guide book of life.  Any questions are answered in there.  It is black and white truth.  There is no gray area.  There is right and wrong. 

When I was a little girl, I learned a song that I can't remember the entire lyrics to, but this is the part I remember.  "Input, Output, what goes in must come out, daily you must choose."  I think that is where the gray area came from.  What we "input" into our minds and hearts.  What are you reading?  What are you watching?  What are you singing?  Whatever you put into your mind, will eventually come out in you.  If you fill your mind with garbage and impure thoughts, what is gonna come out?  When you are at home?  Garbage.  When you are alone?   Garbage.  When you are worshipping?  Garbage.  When you are at school, on a date, in the car????  Garbage.  I know I am being harsh, but we cannot think that these things we think on won't effect our lives. 

Solomon said it first: Prov 4:23 - Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.
Prov 23:7 - For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.
Mt 12:34-35 - And Jesus said: For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. The good man out of his good treasure brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of his evil treasure brings forth what is evil.
Galatians 6:7 - Do not be deceived, God is not mocked.  For whatsoever a man sows, that he will also reap.
Phil 4:8-9…whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things…practice these things; and the God of peace shall be with you.


So, that being said, if you want good things to flow from you, you will choose to read, watch, listen to good things.  It is your choice.

Grass-Fed Beef

Okay, so this blog entry is informational and not inspirational.  I apologize.  But I wanted to explain why we do grass-fed beef and why it is so good for you to eat. 
First of all, our meat is pesticide, antibiotic, and hormone free.  And they never have a lick of corn.  The first question from customers who visit our farm is, "Where's the feeders?"  Which means, where are your feed troughs that you give grain and other antibiotic-filled pellets?  Most cattle have to have tons of antibiotics because they don't get fresh grass and are on a feed-lot their whole lives constantly fighting diseases.  Most farmers we talk to just can't understand how our cows survive the winter without grain.  But they do, and very robustly so.  While it is true that they fatten more quickly on grain, it does not do their bodies good, nor does it do our bodies good.  So the cattle community of course wants to quickly and efficiently make as much money as possible and they do.  But red meat then becomes bad for our hearts and our health.  I will refute this with our grass-fed beef.
Our cows are moved daily and sometimes twice a day to ensure fresh grass daily.  They are rotated so that they only come back to the same pasture once every 45 days.  This type of rotational grazing allows our cattle to have "good fat."  Which I knows seems like an oxy-moron, but it truly isn't.  There are good fats and bad fats.  Omega-3 fatty acids...good....Omega-6...bad...:)  Every day that cows spend in a feed lot, it's supply of omega-3's diminishes.  Omega 3 helps fight cancer, reduce the risk of heart disease, and increase blood-flow.  Those are just a few of the important things. :) 

Anyway, I just wanted to clarify the difference in our cattle.  We are doing something a little different.  And while I am not a health fanatic...which I think is very admirable, I am kind of in the middle somewhere.  And while I try to eat right, sometimes a good old brownie or coca-cola gets the best of me.  ;)  So while some may tell you that grass-fed meat is lean and chewy and flavorless...I disagree!  I believe healthy GRASSFAT omega 3 meat is our goal!  It is full of flavor and marbeling.  And last night I had a filet that was better than any restaurant filet I've had.  And believe me, I grew up eating tons of steak.  Well, thanks for reading my ramblings.  I hope those of you who have bought our meat are satisfied, and those who haven't give it a try sometime.  We appreciate your business!

Bo and Sarah T

One of our calves...

Dry

As I sit here, I am looking out at the fields of hay.  Or something that's supposed to look like lush, green fields of hay, but looks more like a wheat field.  The goats and cows don't seem to mind yet.  They still have plenty to eat, but it looks like the beginning of fall instead of the first of summer...which actually doesn't begin til this week.  Unbelievable I know!  I went out to help Bo tonight, which I tend to do regularly, and wore my sandals.  That was a bad decision.  The dried out hay poked at my bare feet and hurt.  It was then that I made the connection of how bad we need rain. 
I mean, I know we have needed rain, but it is now detrimental to the longevity of our fields.  We will quickly be feeding hay bales to the animals if rain doesn't come down.  And whatever happened today doesn't count as a rain shower if it only lasts 2 minutes. 
My brain is constantly making comparisons of things, so that's why I tend to blog the way that I do.  But this dry land reminded me of how dry in spirit we get sometimes.  We give and give to our families and to the people around us.  We are tired physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  We are dried up because we don't spend enough time in the presence of the One who fills us up.  I don't want to be that person.
I want to constantly be filling up with the Spirit.  I always know when I'm not spending enough time with God.  I get irritable and short.  I get angry and spew words that aren't uplifting or caring.  I yell at the boys.  I start to dry up and crumble into someone I don't want to be.  I then realize...whoa, I think it's been a few days since I've spent some time with God.  Because when I'm spending time in the Word every day and praying, I feel totally different.  Of course life still gets crazy, but I'm more calm.  I'm more understanding.  I am more discerning.  I am a better mom and wife. 
Just like the pastures when they are rained upon on a regular basis, they are green and growing.  They are lovely to look at and provide life to others.  And when the animals eat it all, new growth immediately is following what has been consumed.  It never stops.  Without the water, the fields eventually dry up and die and are of no use to the animals.  Same with me.  Without Jesus, I become useless to others and have nothing to offer. 
I've known the Lord since I was five.  So I have seen patterns in my life throughout the years of knowing Jesus.  There have been times where I have seeked Him with longing and times I have just went through the motions.  Too much I have gone through the motions of being the good Christian girl.  Doing what every one thinks is right and looking like the good girl.  I don't want that.  I want to do the right things because I have a passion to please Jesus and reach others.  Remember this song by Matthew West?
This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

Don't just go through the motions of life.  Don't just be the "good girl" because it's what you've always done.  Find your passion through Jesus and be full of life through His Spirit.
 

Matthew 5: 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

John 4:13-14 Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water shall thirst again; 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”

John 7:37 On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink.

For Good

Romans 8:28 says "We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God-those whom He has called according to His plan."

You've heard this verse.  You've doubted it through a trial.  I've doubted it through a trial.  The anniversary of my biggest trial to date is tomorrow June 1st.  Then proceeded the longest 5 weeks of my life.  Time slowed down almost to a standstill.  Every hour that went by seemed to tick tick tick away. 
It started Friday the 13th of May.  I know, I know, but we aren't superstitious.  I went in for my routine check-up at the doctor for baby number 2.  We then went to McDonald's for lunch, and while sitting there I thought I peed my pants.  Turns out I can hold my bladder, and my water had broken at 29 weeks.  I was rushed to Miami Valley Hospital by ambulance.  That was wild!  They got my labor stopped and then I was stuck on bedrest at the hospital until the baby would come.  Our world was turned upside down.  Brody, who was used to having his mommy at all times, was now with daddy.  And daddy, who was used to having his wife at all times, was now mommy, daddy, auditor, goat herder, and cattle man.  That's a lot of jobs for anyone.  It took a quick toll on him and my mother-n-law showed up to help take the load off during the week, and then my parents would come on the weekends.  It makes me tear up when I think that during those 3 weeks before Gage was born I never went a day without seeing Brody or having a visitor.  I felt very loved.  Thank you friends and family for loving me that much. 



Well, today, one year ago I started having more intense contractions that were far apart.  But about 11 pm that night they were about 3 minutes apart.  Doctor came to check and said, "we need to get her down to the OR."  I had a natural birth, but we were there in case things turned bad for me.  I called Bo and he came immediately.  At 5 am, June 1st, Gage Kenneth Troyer was born.  He came out screaming and we had tears of joy that he was breathing.  He was 31 weeks old and weighed 4 lbs. 4 oz.  He never needed oxygen.  His biggest hurdles were figuring out how to eat without a feeding tube and regulating his body temperature...which he still has difficulties with.  Anyway, 3 weeks went by at a snails pace visiting him twice a day at the hospital.  I couldn't think of anything else when I was at home besides being at the hospital.  And when I was at the hospital I felt guilty that Brody wasn't getting my attention.  Needless to say I was depressed.  Bo and I were both bone tired and cranky.  We would just hold each other and cry.  It was so hard.  But we finally made it to the day we could take him home.  He would have been 34 weeks in my belly.  We went in that morning believing we could take our baby home and were hit by a brick wall.  That night, Gage started having bloody stools, and they immediately did some x-rays to see that his bowels were infected.  He had something called NEC...necrotizing entercolitis.  They proceeded to tell us the horrible odds that almost all babies have to have part of their colons removed...or the 40 percent death rate.  I couldn't let myself go there.  I refused to believe my baby would die.  I had to or else I would have died inside as well. 

They immediately put him on strong meds and he was in the hospital another 2 weeks fighting this infection before we got him home.  He lived and he had no side effects in his bowels!

(Gage's 1st day home)

That was a miracle.  I realize this story is not personal to you.  And it's kind of long, but it is a testimony to our God.  When we thought the worst was happening, God, in His mighty goodness and power, turned it all for good.  Our Gage is a crawling miracle baby.  And tomorrow he turns 1 year old.  He isn't walking like a lot of babies his age, or saying any words.  But that will come in time.  He is living and breathing and we are beyond blessed with this life God has entrusted to us at this time.  Happy Birthday Gage Kenneth Troyer.  You bring us tears of joy!

(new sandbox!!!)

Protector

We had some tragedy at the farm a few weeks back.  A coyote or two came during the night and caught two baby goats for their dinner.  They also left one little baby with a hole in the top of its head and in the bottom of its jaw, which caused its mouth to close unnaturally.  Bo and I affectionately started calling her jack-jaw.  Awwww...aren't we sweet. :)
So back to the story.  We bought a guard dog.  A wonderful two year old Great Pyrenees named Buddy.  And while Buddy's name sounds playful, his demeanor is no such thing.  He is here to do a job.  He doesn't have time to be petted or played with or loved on.  He has goats to watch and herd and will not come near us.  He is an amazing work dog...he's just not a pet.  And we are learning to be okay with that.  We already have a pet, Bear, who will love you more than you want to be loved.  He's a 150 pound Bernese Mountain Dog.  And he still believes with all his heart that he is a puppy.
But, this story is not about Bear. 
So we got Buddy home.  We let him out into the goat pen, and he immediately went to each baby goat and smelled them.  He walked the perimeter of the fence and checked out every little thing.  Then he went to work checking each noise and howling of the wind.  It was about 9 at night, and that's when they are most on alert is during the night.  So he went right to work doing what he does.  Being the guardian of the goats. :)
 
This is a picture of Buddy.  Isn't he cute.  Don't you want to cuddle him.  Well, it's not possible.  I wanted to take some better pictures of him with the goats, but he runs like the wind every time I go out there. :) 
Every day I see him out there barking an alarm to the goats if there's any suspicious noise, or cuddling all the babies around him during his naps, or herding them in before the storm hits, and I am reminded of our very own protector.  Doesn't He do all those things for us.  He is our guardian (guard dog), which is someone that prevents injury.  He is whispering a warning in our ear about something, He holds us close when we feel alone.  He's always there whether we acknowledge it or not.  He is preparing us for the storms of this imperfect life.  But I think I don't always allow myself to be protected.  I can do this crazy life.  Or I am so caught up in life that I forget that He's still sitting there with me if only I will recognize His presence.  If I will listen to His voice trying to prevent me from failure.  If we fully trust in Him, He will be with us through the hard times and the great times...and all the in-between times.  He's always there watching, waiting, protecting.  Just call out to Him.  He wants to take care of us. 
Psalm 91
 You who sit down in the High God's presence, spend the night in Shaddai's shadow,
Say this: "God, you're my refuge.
I trust in you and I'm safe!"
That's right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you're perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God's your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can't get close to you,
harm can't get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they'll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.

^14-16 "If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
"I'll get you out of any trouble.
I'll give you the best of care
if you'll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I'll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!"

Birth

It never ceases to amaze me at each new life we help bring in to the world here.  I can't imagine how rewarding it is to be a labor and delivery nurse with all the excitement and fulfillment you get when ushering a new babe into the world.  There's just a sense of awe and wonder, and absolute amazement.  I am feeling that way today and have been feeling that way since our animals started delivering this year. 

I had to assist Bo in delivering a very large calf the other day.  Now I know I don't look like the type to be a farmer's wife...which is what everyone tells me.  I'm not sure what a farmer's wife is supposed to look like???  Do I look like a city girl???  Well anyway, I had been watching this heifer all day long.  She would lay down and stand up and was fidgety.  I walked out to her and saw the water sac coming out.  It is what proceeds the front hooves.  Once it bursts, you can almost bet that shortly you will have a calf.  Well, I let her be and came out to check her a while later.  Still nothing.  I could tell she was getting very uncomfortable.  And usually by this time several things could be the problem.  Bo thankfully pulled in the drive from work and walked her into the corrals.  He checked and figured out the baby wasn't breech, so that was good.  But, it wasn't budging either.  I helped him get the chains wrapped around the hooves that were sticking out and then when she would contract, we would pull.  After about 10-15 minutes of pulling, we finally had the largest calf I've ever seen. 
    

                         

Typically, a calf weighs about 70 lbs.  Well this little bull calf weighed a whopping 120 lbs.  There was no way this first time mama was gonna push that monster out.  Praise the Lord Bo came when he did, because otherwise he would have suffocated in there.  There was no way I was gonna pull him myself.  Well as soon as he hit the ground, I was cheering and screaming and crying all at the same time.  Brody was watching in a bit of fear.  But started cheering with me when he saw she was okay.  What a great feeling.  LIFE! 

I was thinking what a celebration it is for each one of us that are re-born.  We get born into the kingdom of God and He is probably crying with joy over one more who gets to spend eternity with Him.  How amazing!  This life is so precious.  It makes me want to roam the streets proclaiming that our time is so short.  The Word says it's like a mist...here and then gone.  It makes me ache with longing for my loved ones to know the One my heart yearns for.  To have that relationship that makes all the difference in the world.  Our time is short, let's share life with the world, eternal life.

You do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  James 4:14

Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.   John 17:3

Under Attack!

At 4:00 yesterday evening, our 10 month old Gage, woke from his nap.  Earlier in the day he had a little runny nose, which I attributed to teething.  It was clear, there was a low-grade fever...all normal things.  I think as a mama you are constantly assessing the situation and praying you have it under control.  He woke up moaning and I went to get him.  He just laid his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes.  This is not normal behavior for Gage.  If you have seen him at all, the child doesn't sit still.  He is what we call a wallower.  So while I was enjoying the moment of him resting on me I could feel he was somewhat warm.  I took him downstairs and laid him on the floor to change his diaper.  His little arms and legs started turning blue and his face was beat red.  And he was acting like he couldn't breathe.  I immediately picked him up and started checking him.  Something was not right.  His eyes were closed and if he tried to open them they rolled back in his head.  We took him to Children's and they told us he had a 104 temp.  He had some kind of a virus that was causing the fever.  And Gage and fevers just don't mix.  A few months ago he was having seizures from fevers.  The child has never regulated his temp well.  It's been that way since the beginning when he came too early and was in that little isolate for 5 weeks. 

All that to say, I am feeling broken today.  It seems like this week the enemy is trying to gain a foothold.  I prayed and cried to God last night to bind the enemy and make him leave.  It has just been one thing after another.  I feel like I have been attacked personally, emotionally, spiritually, and now my family physically.  But it's nothing new.  He is always trying to find little ways to puncture our walls.  Maybe he can get something to give way and find a way in.  I ask for prayer from you all.  I'm just tired of fighting at this moment.  I need renewed strength. 

As I was praying this morning I was thinking of how horrible it is to see our children suffering.  And it just made me think how our Father sympathizes with us when we are suffering.  Jesus is praying on my behalf to the Father.  How comforting.  Jesus, the son of God, loves me that much to remember me and pray for me.  So I am holding on to this today...Psalm 27:1-2 The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the strength of my life; of Whom shall I be afraid?  When the wicked came against me to eat up my flesh, My enemies and foes, they stumbled and fell...

Here are some other scriptures to help during attack.

Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. James 4:7

Put on God's whole armor [the armor of a heavy-armed soldier which God supplies], that you may be able successfully to stand up against [all] the strategies and the deceits of the devil. Ephesians 6: 11

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6: 12

You shall not fear them, for the Lord your God shall fight for you. Deuteronomy 3: 22

[And indeed] the Lord will certainly deliver and draw me to Himself from every assault of evil. He will preserve and bring me safe unto His heavenly kingdom. To Him be the glory forever and ever. Amen (so be it).
2 Timothy 4: 18
Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you. ~ Luke 10:19

The Mama Guilt Battle

Guilt...usually something referred to after committing an offense or a feeling after something you have done wrong.  Then why so often do I feel this emotion as a mother.  I mean I love staying home with our boys.  It's truly a privilege and it has paid off more than any monetary value ever could.  I have friends who would love to be able to stay home with their little ones.  But whether you are a stay at home mama or a working mama, this feeling of guilt creeps its ugly head into our mind and thoughts. 

There are days when I look a total mess...buried under a mountain of laundry, still in my jams, trying to find a few minutes to shower, making a grocery list, dishwasher full, sink full, need to vaccuum, trash full, toys are everywhere, deciding on dinner, check on the animals...aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh the list goes on.  I feel overwhelmed.  And on top of that I need to give my boys the attention that they need.  How do we do it all and make time for our husbands at the end of the day??? 

It's an ugly thing this mama guilt.  It robs me of joy, whispers lies, and tells me I will never be good enough.

The things that help me through are the powerful truths in the word that refute the lies the enemy is trying to feed me. 

2 Corinthians 12:9,10 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Romans 8:1-3a “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.”

Philippians 4: 4-6 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

So here I am trying to boast in my weakness.  Deciding today not to feel the lie of condemnation.  That is not from my God.  Remind yourself the list is not a MUST to get done today.  The list will be there tomorrow.  I'm not saying that you should just let your house fall apart, but these little lives that you are touching matter much more for eternity.  No one ever said, "man if I only could have mopped that floor one more time."  ;) 

I know each day I am going to have to renew my committment to choose joy, choose love, choose to get done what I can and get to the rest later.  I want to enjoy these few years while my children are at home.  Enjoy them and play and learn with them.  Enjoy sitting on the porch with my husband and drinking a glass of iced tea watching Brody run like a maniac.  This life is too quick...

Delivered

We had our first calf of the year last week.  A little heifer calf...for those of you who are farm illiterate, that means girl calf.  haha.  She was just perfect.  Here she is with her mama.

Well, the next couple days we had some unwanted visitors.  A male and female coyote got news of her arrival and thought she might make a nice meal for them.  It happened to be Sunday morning while I was at church practicing, so Bo was home alone with the boys.  He had just put Gage down for a nap and looked out to see something moving around in the woods.  He realized what it was and went to go get his rifle.  Brody stayed inside and watched the action through his "minoculars."  :)  Let's just say Bo was blessed because he not only got one, but both of the coyotes. 

Here are the rascals.  Just a normal day at the farm.  And just another normal day for the life of a believer and especially a new believer.  Whether we are spritually mature or a brand new baby in Christ, the enemy loves to attack us.

It made me think of the verse about new believers drinking milk, "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation..."(I Peter 2:2).  I correlated that to the calf.  She obviously is only drinking her mama's milk.  She's just a new baby, and she is being attacked by these wild coyotes.  Just like a newborn calf is at it's weakest and most vulnerable point in life, a new believer is at their most vulnerable point in their walk with Christ, and therefore, is immediately targeted for attack.  Satan is immediately there trying to place doubts about God or their salvation in their minds, or unwanted thoughts and temptations in their hearts.

Thankfully, the Word gives us courses of action we can take: 
"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7 Speak up to the devil in the name of Jesus. "Greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." Jesus said, "I am with you [always]."

Then our protector, defender, conqueror, shield, deliverer will come to the rescue.  (Bo and his 30/30)  He is right there with us the whole time.  He can and will intervene in the midst of trial and helplessness.  Praise God!!!

Psalm 27:1-2 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell...

Psalm 18:1-7  How I love you, Lord! You are my defender.  The Lord is my protector; he is my strong fortress. My God is my protection, and with him I am safe. He protects me like a shield; he defends me and keeps me safe.  I call to the Lord, and he saves me from my enemies. Praise the Lord!  The danger of death was all around me; the waves of destruction rolled over me.  The danger of death was around me, and the grave set its trap for me.  In my trouble I called to the Lord; I called to my God for help. In his temple he heard my voice; he listened to my cry for help... 

P.S.  When someone you love comes to know the Lord, lift them up in prayer.  Pray with them, encourage them in their walk with the Lord.  Take them through a discipleship program. 

Pause

Isn't it amazing how we can be watching a movie and we are in need of a drink, so we just pause it so we can begin right where we left off when we get back.  I have been feeling that feeling all week.  I wish I could just pause life right now.  My little boys are getting older by the minute.  This is the last year in my twenties...waaaaaah!  And the unknowns in life are before me.  Deep breath!

So this week I am trying to enjoy the simple things.  Brody and I have played outside every day this week.  We have ran all over the farm.  Today we went to check our cow that has been "going to calve" (per Bo) all week.  Obviously birth is not that easy.  I told him they are like people.  Some women go longer than their due date and some before.  She's really not even due til tomorrow.  But what do I know.  ;) We filled up water tanks, checked on the goats, threw sticks for Bear...the list goes on.  Gage is usually with us, but today he happened to take an extra long nap.  So it was just me and Brody.  We don't get to do that too often anymore. 

Then there's my Gager (Brody's nickname for his bro).  He had his 9 month check-up today.  (sigh)  Where did the time go.  He brings such joy to our lives.  He's always smiling and giggling.  Although getting his two front teeth are quite a workout.  He keeps screaming because he is biting his fingers.  Poor little guy.  Every milestone he makes is a little victory in my heart.  It's still all too real sitting with him in the hospital for 5 weeks straight.  Our lives were forever changed from that...in a good way. 

So, here I sit.  Gage still sleeping, Brody watching Rio, Bo at work dreaming of the weekend :), and me using these spare few minutes to meditate on how thankful I am for now.  Of course life isn't perfect.  We all have our little issues that we deal with every day.  But at this moment I am going to take a minute to pause and let the feeling of thankfulness and greatfulness of life wash over me.  God, you are good. 

Ephesians 5:20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ...

Branded

This is our new brand for our cows.  It came in the mail a few weeks ago.  This will put our mark on the cattle to identify them as Troyer Family Farm cows.  I immediately thought of scripture when I saw this thing come out of the box.  In Isaiah 49, it reads, "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me..." 

There is so much more I could say about this chapter in Isaiah, but this is what I want to focus on:  the Jews had a track record of constant repentance and restoration.  They would always end up forgetting what God had done for them, and not believe that He could save them from their current situation.  I feel like sometimes my faith is like that.  In the moment that God is helping me, I'm all gung-ho about His faithfulness.  But the minute the next crisis comes along, I fret and fail to remember His constant presence in my life.  But think of that verse..."I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me..." 

Once we receive salvation, we are engraved on the palms of His hands.  We are ever before Him.  He constantly cares for us.  Not just when we are good, or following after Him perfectly...but ENGRAVED there.  I read a brief history of cattle brands, and it said, "The purpose of cattle branding is to be a visible and permanent mark of ownership. It is used to prevent theft and to identify the owner of a lost animal. It can also provide anyone with the animal's history."  Wow.  How applicable is that to our own lives?  So not only are we engraved on Him that moment of salvation, but we then bear His image.  Our lives should reflect His ownership over us.  When people see us, they should see HIM.  When people encounter me, they should encounter Jesus. 

So for me the lesson is two-fold.  My God will not/cannot forget me.  I am engraved on Him.  He is always with me, never leaves my side.  He cares about each issue I'm dealing with: past, present, future.  And, I'm an image-bearer of my Jesus...my comfort, my love, my savior, my friend, my God. 

I know there is so much more I could say and expound upon.  But just think on that.  How loved we are.  And how are we showing that love? 

 

A Peace

We make decisions all day long.  Some are quick, split-second decisions that don't mean a whole lot.  But very important ones, for me, require prayer and waiting for the peace of God.  One such decision is whether to send my children to school or not.  Now let me begin by saying, if you would have asked me 10 years ago if I would ever think of homeschooling my children, I would have said, "Are you crazy!?" Even 5 years ago, I would have not thought it would ever really be a question whether my kids would go to a school or not.  But today, with my 3 year old getting ready to be 4.  And starting pre-school with him at home, I have started to pray whether the Lord wants me to teach my children at home. 

I had many of the same thoughts that you are having right now about it.  People will think we are weird.  People will think we are out of touch with reality.  Our children won't be socialized.  And the list goes on...  But at this point in my life, I am learning I could really care less what people think.  I am responsible for my children, not the world, thankfully.

So first of all, lets just accept that we are weird.  And I'm okay with that. 

We are not out of touch with reality.  If anything, I am so in touch with the real world, that I see the growing need for children to be instructed by their parents.  And I don't mean 1+1=2.  Too often parents believe that the school system is supposed to teach their children all things.  But morality and life issues are taught in the home.  We are responsible to teach right from wrong, and that there are consequences to wrong actions.  And we are the ones responsible to teach our children responsibility, and that by doing our best at something we receive a reward.  One thing that we are doing with Brody is a chore chart.  When he fills it all up, he gets to get a toy at Walmart.  While that may seem small now, it is teaching him that working hard is worth something in the end.  Every day he also does the chores with daddy.  And he knows that daddy goes to work every day so that we can have money for food and clothes and all of our necesssities.  He's 3 and he understands this.  We are going to be buying some chickens in the spring for him to take care of and he will get money when we sell them to buy himself a bicycle.  He is already talking about it and is so excited. 

And the main resistance I get about homeschooling is that my children won't be socialized.  Obviously you don't know Brody.  The child never stops talking.  But more than his personality, I look at my husband.  He is more than kind to strangers.  He is has complete respect for his elders.  He is a hard worker.  He can teach others.  He has strong core values.  All taught through home-schooling.  Those were things that his parents taught him.  He also has a master's degree.  So I promise you that home-schooled kids aren't stupid!  lol!  I hear that a lot too.  Blows my mind.

So the decision is still up in the air.  I haven't completely made my decision.  I know what I'm leaning towards.  But I believe that the Lord will clearly show me what I am to do.  He will give me that peace that passes all understanding.  The peace that calms my fears of not being smart enough to teach them...or dedicated enough...or disciplined enough.  He will still my heart and speak to me. 

Decisions to be made...get on your knees....seek God's wisdom and guidance...He will give you the peace.

Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Numbers 6:25-26
the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

#95

Bo and I see many crazy things as a result of living on a farm.  You just never know what animals are going to do.  We have a particular goat that is a few fries short of a happy meal.  We have come to lovingly call her #95 (because that's the name in her eartag) and we don't have the time or energy to name all 40 goats.  Anyway, she continually gets her head stuck in this fence.  Morning and evening, this goat without fail puts her head through one of those squares and gets stuck.  We’re not sure why she hasn’t figured out after about 100 times of getting stuck, to just stop.  I tell Bo all the time that she’s just not right in the head. 

One of my close friends recently made a startling discovery to me.  That goat is sort of like us.  How many times do we continue to go back to the same things that entangle us in sin and get stuck again?  We do it over and over.  We make excuses, tell ourselves this is the last time, promise to never do it again, and we still find ourselves stuck in the fence. 

Well, my husband did something so wonderful for this goat.  Of course I was tired of hearing her cry every day because she’s stuck and sometimes I would try to free her.  We have friends like that.  They try to grab hold of us and help us out.  They even give us a swift kick in the head to try to push us back through to the other side…which I may or may not have done to this particular goat a time or two.  But my husband fixed the problem.  He put up a boundary.  He took a piece of metal barn siding and put it against the fence so she would stop. 

So anyway, I thought this was a good lesson for myself especially.  What is that one thing in my life that I keep running to and getting stuck in?  What boundary should I be making to prevent it from happening?  

There is an answer.  One thing that helps me overcome a life issue that I am dealing with is memorization of scripture that has to do with that issue.  One I have had to deal with in the recent past was anger.  Within a matter of seconds, I could go from normal Sarah to screaming banshee.  I know that may come as a surprise to you.  Right???  I seem like such a calm person, right…lol!  But God has worked and worked on me through this.  One of those verses I memorized was:

 Colossians 3:8 “But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these:  anger, rage, malice, slander, ad filthy language from your lips.”  And…

Psalm 19:14 “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” 

So when I start to feel myself going to the place of no return, I have to start repeating these in my head, and the Holy Spirit calms me.  God’s Word does that a lot. 

Otherwise, you are going to keep looking like this…and that’s just not fun.  Put up the boundary before you get stuck in the fence again.  I don’t want to have to kick you in the head.  J