Assured

I'm sitting here trying to hold it together while my two boys are napping.  The grief and the ache of what was once to be is again brought to my attention.  Two years ago we were expecting our second child.  Bo had come through the kitchen door and I was holding the stick to announce to him our second baby was on the way.  We wanted to wait to tell our families until we could see them in person.  A week went by in excitement and anticipation and pure joy.  That weekend I woke up not feeling quite right.  I went to the restroom and found that I was miscarrying.  Nothing can prepare you for this.  We then had to to tell our clueless parents that I had lost their grandchild.  It plummeted us both into a deep pit of despair.  I became very depressed and very upset with God.  Bo was the same.  Those questions that always arise in crisis were overwhelming our thoughts.  "God, you could have prevented this!"  "What have we done to deserve this?!"  "Aren't we doing everything right?"  And many more.  It took lots of time and examining of our hearts to decide what we believed to be true about God.  I'm sure any one having to deal with the death of a loved one has to go through a process of grieving and then healing.  He showed us so much in that time and we will never be the same. 

I have never lost a family member that I've been close to.  And it sort of freaks me out to think about it.  My mom and dad and I are super close and if either of them ever went to be with Jesus, I think I would have a nervous breakdown.  Just thinking about it makes me get panicky.  But just last week I finally had a moment where I thought about death and I was okay.  I was thinking of mom and dad and how much I miss them and what would I do if they weren't there anymore.  And I was at peace.  I thought, "I will die and go to heaven someday as well...and I will be with them forever."  How reassuring.  How blessed I am to have two parents who love the Lord as I do and I am not worried where they will be when that time comes.  And how blessed I am to go through a grieving process where I can come to the end knowing that Jesus himself is holding my baby in His arms just waiting for me to get there to see her again.  Brings tears of joy that He loves me that much and tears of pain that I missed out on knowing that life.  I love raising my boys and it's part of my calling, so that hurts even more. 

But God is faithful.  He is the life-GIVER, not taker.  And His promises are true. 

I recently was watching a show on NBC called, "Is Heaven For Real?"  Of course there are so many answers to that from so many religions.  But what really caught my attention was the lady who was an atheist.  She was saying how religious people just hold on to heaven as a crutch to get through their grief that they will see their loved ones again.  And as an atheist she just thinks that you just get this one life, so make the best of it.  It was really shocking and sad to me.  You do just get this one life on earth, and I do believe we should use our gifts and talents that God gave us to further His Kingdom.  But that's not it.  If you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, He is right now preparing a place for you to come to whenever this life is over.  I pray that I will live until His second coming.  I pray I get to hear the sound of that trumpet and meet Him in the clouds and have Him hand my baby back to me with all joy. 

I live with this assurance every day.  Praise God that He loved me first and that I chose to love Him back!  We all have a choice...if you want to know more about what Jesus did for you, please click on the link.  http://www.godssimpleplan.org/gsps-english.html

John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”

Romans 8:16-17 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

2 Corinthians 5:6-8So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.

1 Thessalonians 4:16-18For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.

Romans 8:38-39 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 14:8 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.

Dream

There are times in our lives when we have different aspirations.  When I was in high school and college, my dreams were different than they are now.  If you would have asked me then, it would have sounded something like, "to graduate, to become a teacher, to get married, to have kids."  And I didn't realize until the past few weeks, that those dreams have come to fruition.  Several people have challenged me recently to think about what I want in life.  What has God laid on my heart? 
And as I have started to think on this again, I have realized that new dreams are there.  They don't sound lofty...like get my master's or doctorate...which is totally awesome for those of you doing that.  And I think I've been a little embarrassed to verbally speak my longings to anyone besides my husband for fear of being judged too harshly.  But I decided it might help someone to be okay with the dreams God has placed on their own heart. 

So right now, in this time of my life, I believe God is preparing my family for a dream He has laid on our hearts.  And Bo and I are separate people, but it seems we are knit together by common goals and dreams.  I have loved becoming more of a farm girl and have truly grown to like our animals and wide open spaces.  I don't think we will ever live in a town again.  Unless God verbally tells us to. :)  But I honestly have this longing or pull in my heart to be a teacher to my children.  Which in the world's standards is waaaay out there.  And even to my own at one time.  But God has obviously been changing my heart on that matter.  Another is to work together as a family, growing and learning and teaching our children what it means to work hard.  I feel like so many of the next generation has an entitlement attitude.  And I want to instill a core value of a good work ethic in my children.  I want my children to be kind to others and genuine and loving.  I want them to look a little different by the way that they act.  I want that for myself as well.  I want to be Jesus to others.  I probably seem a little cuckoo to people at times.  But that's okay with me.  I'm sure people looked at Jesus like He was smoking something. haha!  Like the woman at the well...lepers...lame...blind...the outcasts... 
Someday I hope to engage people daily by having a little farmer's market.  Which I know seems strange to many.  But I've become okay with being strange. :)  I am who I am.  I am not like anyone else.  I am a child of God and He has a unique and perfect plan for me.  Don't shy away from what God is leading you toward.  Listen closely to His direction.  So many people are doing their usual jobs and their dreams seem like only dreams that will never happen.  But what if you followed those dreams that He has placed on your heart.  What if you gave them a chance and asked God if that was from Him and something He wants you to do.  What if you could be doing your dream job!  Praise the Lord if you have stepped out in faith to do what He has called you to do.  Bo and I believe God is leading us on a path toward a dream that He made for us...each of us a little different...but funny how God made them knit together.  He thinks of everything. :o) 
And don't freak out if you don't think you have a dream.  Ask God to let you know what He wants you to do.  I thought for a moment a few weeks ago that I didn't have a purpose or a dream but when I truly took the time to seek His will, they were magnified in my heart.  It was like a peace settled on me.  And dreams change too.  Keep asking God and surrendering you heart to Him so that you are not so focused on the dream that you miss a detour.  Sometimes we need to be changed and molded first before we can completely obtain our dreams.  Obviously I don't have all the answers of how to achieve your dreams.  But I do know God has plans for us.  He wants good for us.  And all we have to do is ask to be directed. 

The plans of the heart belong to man,
but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.
All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
but the Lord weighs the spirit.
Commit your work to the Lord,
and your plans will be established. Proverbs 16:1-3

The heart of man plans his way,
but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9

O Lord, you are my God;
I will exalt you; I will praise your name,
for you have done wonderful things,
plans formed of old, faithful and sure.  Isaiah 25:1

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.  James 4:13-16

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:25-33

Faithful Fred

Ya know, I used to think bats were bad.  And I don't mean wooden ones.  I mean little rodent, bug-eating bats that fly around and you are scared may turn on you and "vant to suck your blood!"  We haven't had a mosquito bite in 2 years because last summer and this summer we have had a small bat infestation.  Last year one got in the house and Brody and I (Gage wasn't home yet) took cover under a blanket screaming for our lives.  Bo chased it upstairs and killed it with a broom.  Then proceeded to tell me that he's sure that they are some type of little demon.  And had a terrifying shiver.  It was traumatic for him.  Yet he's not afraid of a coyote????  But all in all, bats are good.  They take care of all our bugs and as long as they are outside I'm cool. 

Well this year, we had faithful Fred.  (See him hanging there)  Fred never leaves.  And I love Fred because he hangs up on top of the house.  His guano (fancy word for bat poo) doesn't get on anything and I feel no danger from him.  He is here every day and has never left us all summer.  But he has some unruly friends who have decided to make their home sweet home right by my door.  It's disturbing...there's guano all over by my door every morning, and little screeching noises every time I open the door to go in or out.  I act like a maniac trying to get in and out of the house every day.  I open the door and yell, "run Brody!"  And I'm always thinking I'm going to be attacked or one will fly in the house and bite us and we will all get rabies.  It's very frightening.  The weird thing is, they will be here for like 3 or 4 days and then they leave for a week and then are back.  So I was trying to think of a really cool story to go with the bats.  Or an amazingly great comparison.  And all I can come up with is that I want to be like Fred.  Sounds a little creepy at first. :)  But he's faithful, steady, not swayed by his friends.  His friends are drifters...when they get what they want, they move on to the next place they can find their sustenance.  Fred just waits it out.  I want that quality.  I want to be unmovable in my faith.  When life gets hard, I want to be unshakable.  I want to believe that no matter what my God is gonna bring me through.  Always has, Always will.  So that may be a stretch...but in your heart...don't you kind of want to be like Fred?  Any other insight anyone has would be greatly appreciated.  Or a verse you want to share?

Where the other bats reside...right by my kitchen door!

Input-Output

My mom is famous in my family for her sayings...some of which include:


"If all your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you?"
"Just say no, that's the magic word.  NO NO NO!" 
"Look carefully at the closest associations in your life, for that is the direction you are heading."
"What is right is not always popular, and what is popular is not always right." 

They have stuck with me over time and now I think about them when I see people I know and myself doing the wrong thing whenever we know better to do the right thing.  It takes no sense of thought or discernment to say yes to worldly things.  It takes character and obedience to say no.

My husband spoke last Wednesday night at our church.  He spoke on doing the right thing no matter what.  Doing right with small decisions and big decisions.  He used men from the Bible...Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  They were faithful to God in the small and the big decisions of life, and God was faithful and saved them from death.  He went on to say that in this world you can argue and debate just about any issue.  It's happening right now all over the internet and every media venue.  People are debating issues and some believe there's gray areas... but I believe that's not true.  I believe God gave us the guide book of life.  Any questions are answered in there.  It is black and white truth.  There is no gray area.  There is right and wrong. 

When I was a little girl, I learned a song that I can't remember the entire lyrics to, but this is the part I remember.  "Input, Output, what goes in must come out, daily you must choose."  I think that is where the gray area came from.  What we "input" into our minds and hearts.  What are you reading?  What are you watching?  What are you singing?  Whatever you put into your mind, will eventually come out in you.  If you fill your mind with garbage and impure thoughts, what is gonna come out?  When you are at home?  Garbage.  When you are alone?   Garbage.  When you are worshipping?  Garbage.  When you are at school, on a date, in the car????  Garbage.  I know I am being harsh, but we cannot think that these things we think on won't effect our lives. 

Solomon said it first: Prov 4:23 - Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.
Prov 23:7 - For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.
Mt 12:34-35 - And Jesus said: For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. The good man out of his good treasure brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of his evil treasure brings forth what is evil.
Galatians 6:7 - Do not be deceived, God is not mocked.  For whatsoever a man sows, that he will also reap.
Phil 4:8-9…whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things…practice these things; and the God of peace shall be with you.


So, that being said, if you want good things to flow from you, you will choose to read, watch, listen to good things.  It is your choice.