Thursday, July 26, 2012


I'm sitting here trying to hold it together while my two boys are napping.  The grief and the ache of what was once to be is again brought to my attention.  Two years ago we were expecting our second child.  Bo had come through the kitchen door and I was holding the stick to announce to him our second baby was on the way.  We wanted to wait to tell our families until we could see them in person.  A week went by in excitement and anticipation and pure joy.  That weekend I woke up not feeling quite right.  I went to the restroom and found that I was miscarrying.  Nothing can prepare you for this.  We then had to to tell our clueless parents that I had lost their grandchild.  It plummeted us both into a deep pit of despair.  I became very depressed and very upset with God.  Bo was the same.  Those questions that always arise in crisis were overwhelming our thoughts.  "God, you could have prevented this!"  "What have we done to deserve this?!"  "Aren't we doing everything right?"  And many more.  It took lots of time and examining of our hearts to decide what we believed to be true about God.  I'm sure any one having to deal with the death of a loved one has to go through a process of grieving and then healing.  He showed us so much in that time and we will never be the same. 

I have never lost a family member that I've been close to.  And it sort of freaks me out to think about it.  My mom and dad and I are super close and if either of them ever went to be with Jesus, I think I would have a nervous breakdown.  Just thinking about it makes me get panicky.  But just last week I finally had a moment where I thought about death and I was okay.  I was thinking of mom and dad and how much I miss them and what would I do if they weren't there anymore.  And I was at peace.  I thought, "I will die and go to heaven someday as well...and I will be with them forever."  How reassuring.  How blessed I am to have two parents who love the Lord as I do and I am not worried where they will be when that time comes.  And how blessed I am to go through a grieving process where I can come to the end knowing that Jesus himself is holding my baby in His arms just waiting for me to get there to see her again.  Brings tears of joy that He loves me that much and tears of pain that I missed out on knowing that life.  I love raising my boys and it's part of my calling, so that hurts even more. 

But God is faithful.  He is the life-GIVER, not taker.  And His promises are true. 

I recently was watching a show on NBC called, "Is Heaven For Real?"  Of course there are so many answers to that from so many religions.  But what really caught my attention was the lady who was an atheist.  She was saying how religious people just hold on to heaven as a crutch to get through their grief that they will see their loved ones again.  And as an atheist she just thinks that you just get this one life, so make the best of it.  It was really shocking and sad to me.  You do just get this one life on earth, and I do believe we should use our gifts and talents that God gave us to further His Kingdom.  But that's not it.  If you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, He is right now preparing a place for you to come to whenever this life is over.  I pray that I will live until His second coming.  I pray I get to hear the sound of that trumpet and meet Him in the clouds and have Him hand my baby back to me with all joy. 

I live with this assurance every day.  Praise God that He loved me first and that I chose to love Him back!  We all have a choice...if you want to know more about what Jesus did for you, please click on the link.

John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”
Romans 8:16-17 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
2 Corinthians 5:6-8So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.
1 Thessalonians 4:16-18For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
Romans 8:38-39 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 14:8 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.

1 comment:

  1. Great blog post Sarah! I cant imagine what it was like for you guys, but I know that God is faithful in everything, just as you said!

    It is so important for us as Christians to embrace the life to come after this one!

    To live is Christ, and to die, that is when the real fun starts!