Remember

There are some things in life we can never forget...trials and tests that we have gone through that have made us into what we are today.  This week I have mulled a few over in my mind.  And all I can do is tear up and think, God is so faithful.  How did I get through it, if not for the Lord. 

This week I made a book to my Bella.  I used pictures from her birth to her surgery to show her how we went through the process of her being a thriving baby to a sick one with an awful diagnosis.  Which He then took and made a beautiful story.  He is so good.  And I am so blessed.

I think back further...to a time when it was just Bo, myself, and Brody.  Brody was 2, and we were trying for another baby.  I found out we were pregnant, and I was so relieved and excited.  I remember my husband coming home and announcing to him that we were going to have another baby.  We wanted to keep it quiet until we saw our parents.  A few weeks passed.  We were reveling in the awe of another.  Devastation hit me as I saw myself miscarrying.  I tried not to panic, but I knew that's what was happening.  I called for Bo, and we crumpled together in the pain of heartache and all of those dreams and first with that baby had come to an end.  Jesus was holding her now. 

In the weeks and months that followed, so many emotions ran through us both.  Anger, despair, depression, grief...

The Lord held me in those times, through all the questions, the why's, the what if's.  It rocked us.  It was a heavy storm that felt tipped the boat almost too far.  But the Lord proved faithful again.  His mercy and love are never failing. 

This week we planted a memorial tree for that baby.  I had wanted a weeping cherry.  For me, it was the picture of a bittersweet memory.  It's a beautiful, delicate tree.  It stands near the house as you pull up the driveway as a memorial stone in our lives as the Lord's faithfulness through all things.  I will forever remember you little one.