His Presence

What you are about to read, I pray is an encouragement and helps you through a tough moment.  Empty.  Blah.  Comatose.  Motions.  All words used describe myself the past few weeks or months or just certain days.  What is it that Paul says in Romans, "I don't understand what I do...for what I want to do, I don't do, and what I hate, I do."  I do not want to feel this way.  I want to be vibrant, loving, overflowing with kindness, patient and kind...you know, the fruits of the Spirit.  Yet, I am struggling for a minute.  Am I depressed?  It's definitely possible.  Do Christians get depressed?  Absolutely.  It's actually something that I would call a generational curse in my family.  I must actively fight it off.  Yes I know I have so much to be thankful for, but there are still days when ugliness gets through.

As much as I looked forward to a new adventure, I also loathe the process of everything new again.  I've done this a time or two.  "This ain't my first rodeo."  We've moved 8 times in 9 years of marriage.  I've been all over the mid-west.  Every time there's a bit of an adjustment period.  I truly miss my old friends terribly.  I try to put on a brave face.  I go shopping at the normal stores, but nothing feels familiar.  I miss my blood and church families.  I'm complaining.  And I'm so sorry.  No one wants to hear this.  Every body has their own "stuff" they are going through.  My mom always says, "Sarah, you could be in the hospital with tubes up your butt and in your nose"...well that would definitely be worse mama. 

So here I find myself raw before the Lord.  Wounds exposed.  Feelings of loneliness, sadness, anger, tired of being tired.  And the only thing I keep coming back to is, His Presence.  Isn't that the only thing that truly satisfies us completely.  Even if I had all the things I truly think I want back in my life, I still would be craving His Presence.  He satisfies.  He fills.  He delivers.  He upholds.  He gives.  Over and over without fail, it's just His Presence.  So here I sit, while the world turns crazy around me.  The boys screaming, Bella cooing, the T.V. blaring, and me trying to get a grip.  Just get in his presence.  Draw near.  Get closer.  Whatever you have to deal with this day, this season, get into the presence of the Lord.  Let Him be your strength through the empty days.

Your presence is all I need
It's all I want, all I seek
Without it, without it there's no meaning
Your presence is the air I breath
The song I sing, the love I need
Without it, without it I'm not living

I will exalt You, Lord, I will exalt You, Lord
There is no one like You God
I will exalt You, Lord, I will exalt You, Lord
No other name be lifted high

There will be no one like You
And no one beside You
You alone are worthy of all praise
There will be no one like You
And no one beside You
You alone are worthy of all praise

If you want to hear the song...copy and paste   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GT1LWYVnBVw