What we were totally shocked with was the results of the test. Bo and I were fully expecting them to say the hole was gone and we could go on with our lives. That was not the case. The doctor came in looking not so happy and my heart started to break. Not only was the hole still there, it has not even begun to close, and it may be larger than they can actually see in the echo. Another thing of concern is how small she is. She is losing weight weekly. She is 3 and half months old and weighed 8 pounds Monday. He told us he wants her to get the surgery ASAP. Her body is telling us that she cannot continue to do this much longer.
How can my beautiful, precious, baby girl be sick? How can I go on like normal? How do I get through this? I cry out to Jesus! Help me Lord, I cannot do this! He quiets my heart. He dries my tears and carries me through this. Because honestly, I can't do it without Him. He is my strength. He is my help. He is my deliverer.
I have to fight the enemy from getting in my head. He wants to use fear and unbelief against me. I probably sound like a crazy person if I were to tell you the conversations that go on inside my brain. It's almost like I have a little devil whispering in one ear and a little angel in the other. I know it's like an attack from the enemy and I have to have my armor on every day. I am preparing for battle.
The Message (MSG)
A Fight to the Finish
10-12 And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.13-18 Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.
So I thank you my friends and family for your continued prayer support! You all are awesome! I have been blessed by emails, texts, cards, messages, and all kinds of ways that God is using you to help keep my spirits up. Thank you again. So surgery is tentatively set for July 30th as long as it passes the board of doctors on Friday. We continue to ask for a miracle of healing. If that means before or after surgery is in God's hands.