Thursday, June 13, 2013
The verse that keeps coming to mind, "...in this world there will be trouble, but take heart! I have have overcome the world." Jn. 16:33.
God keeps giving us little trials to increase our faith. If not for those trials, we would be devastated. Some seem so overwhelming we feel as though we won't make it through. I could let myself go there with this one. But I have to make a constant choice to rest in Him.
We learned about a week and a half ago that our baby girl has a hole in her heart. At her two month check-up they heard a murmur, which we know that means we have to go to a specialist. Brody had a small hole when he was born that closed by 4 months of age. Gage had a larger hole that closed by 6 months of age. I went to the cardiologist expecting the results to be much the same for Arabella. The Dr. came in looking a little serious, but I didn't think much of it. He then showed me a picture of the heart, like he always does, and where her ventrical septal defect is. Same place as the boys. Only this hole he said is significantly larger than Gage's was. And if it doesn't start to close by 4 months, we will be scheduling a surgery by 6 months of age to close up the hole. One side is already looking enlarged and the other side doesn't look very good either. He said irrevocable damage can occur if we wait too long. He also thinks that Bella isn't growing as well as she should be because her heart is working so hard and consuming all of the calories that I am giving her. Of course I panicked for a good few hours/days. :) I'm a mama, give me a break. But I have come to live in peace with it. My God is so big, that this problem shrinks with each passing day. He will take care of it...heal it or with surgery...I don't know the way He'll do it, but He will do it. My hope and confidence is in Him.
Another verse I am starting to understand is,
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
I know this is another testing of my faith. I get up every day and pray that God will give me a peace that passes understanding and get me through this. I cannot do it on my own. I can only persevere with His grace. It would be easier for me just to doubt and fret and freak out...which I kind of did at the beginning...but I choose to persevere.
Please pray with us as we are trusting the Lord to heal her. We have a checkup June 26th for another echocardiogram. We want to see that the heart is starting to close on its own. Thank you friends. Bo and I appreciate your prayers. Love you all!