All In

No, I'm not in Vegas gambling all my money away. :) I figured you might think that by the name of the title. But I've actually got eggs on the brain. We buy our eggs from a friend that has chickens. I can hardly eat them from the store anymore. I know, I'm an egg snob. We have gone back and forth with the idea of getting our own chickens here. The thing is, my husband barely has any extra time on his hands as it is, and I'm pregnant and have to chase around two little boys. So, we are thinking that when Brody is mature enough to do it himself and have a little business, then he can take over the chickens.
Have you ever heard the expression, "don't put all your eggs in one basket?" My dad used to say that all the time about money. He meant don't put all your money in one place. If you invest all your money somewhere and it fails, you are completely broke. Diversify your assets! But I'm not talking about money today.
Someone recently told me that when we become followers of Jesus, ultimately we have put all our eggs in one basket. Isn't that something to think about. I have mulled it over and over in my brain. I can't stop thinking about it. I ask myself, "Have I put all my eggs in?" I think sometimes I try to withhold an egg from the Lord because I'm scared what He will do with it. Or I will even take back an egg that I have surrendered to Him. The thing is, He is the only One in my life with whom I can entrust all my eggs to. That's what I'm doing with my life, my relationships, my children, my finances, my worship, my eternity. I'm putting it all in. I know I'm gonna trip and break an egg, so I don't want the basket. I want Him to have it and all my eggs. I'M ALL IN!







 

Mommy War

I wonder why I even bother to write while being pregnant.  My brain cells seemed to have frozen up.  I can't remember normal words while forming a sentence.  Things such as, "Brody, can you please put your wrapper in the ?????"  I'm searching for the word trash, or garbage can.  But nothing is coming to the surface, so I say "thing."  By which he replies, "what thing?"  AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  What's wrong with me??  Why is my memory like that of an 85 year old woman?  How come I can't remember why I went upstairs???  Or where I put my phone 5 seconds ago?  Thankfully, I know there is an end.  I will regain part of my brain back.  Though I have been informed that it may never fully return.  I believe it's the life of a mother.  Our days are so packed with lists of things to do that it's normal that you would go ahead and throw your new iphone, which you totally forgot was in your back pocket, into the washer for a full cycle.  UGH!  That one got me in big trouble.  :)  But life must go on! 

Well, I have recently been battling as a mother, the judgmental attitude of mothers.  I'm not sure that even makes sense, but I will try to explain as best as my misfiring brain can.  Recently I was upset by two people groups..."working" moms and "stay at home" moms.  One of my friends said, "I have double duty, I work all day and then I have to come home and take care of the kids.  My job never ends."  I was thinking, but didn't say, And what exactly do you think I do all day?  Knit?  Eat brownies?  Nap?  If you honestly believe that you are dead wrong.  My day never ends as well.  Then there is the other side of the spectrum.  I have a friend who told me, "I don't even know why women have children if they aren't going to raise them."  Really?  Do you honestly believe that every woman is wired to do the same thing in life?  And just because you work that you aren't raising your children?  My mama worked her whole life and I don't feel like I was raised by anyone else but my mama.  I honestly cannot even tell you who babysat me while mom went to work.  I can't remember that far back.  I have never felt neglected or unloved because my mom didn't stay home.  I hope I'm not ranting too much, but I just feel like there is so much hostility between moms.

Honestly there are times I would love to work outside the home to regain some sanity and adult interaction.  It doesn't happen often, but that is because God has put it in my heart to stay home.  I have a college degree and am a competent worker, but this is a dream that God gave to me personally.  This is my life's work.  It doesn't mean it's all women's life work.  But if you are working and God has put this on your heart, then I believe He will make a way financially for it to happen.  There are sacrifices that we make as a family, but this is what we believe we are to do, so we do it.  And if you are a stay at home mother and hate every day of it, then you need to start praying about what it is you are supposed to be doing.  Because I promise God doesn't want you to loathe working at home your entire life.  We are wired differently.  Each woman is not the same.  We are unique.  Stop the mommy hating!  It's one of the hardest jobs there is...raising kids.  You are doing it whether you are working inside or outside of the home.  Well that is my rant for the day.  It has been bothering me lately.  I am not going to apologize to anyone for staying home.  I despise the question, "Do you work?"  Why yes, yes I do, all day, just like the rest of the world. 

So next time you are tempted to judge what other moms are doing, think again!  Support them, be there for them, hug them, pray for them.  All of us need encouragement to keep doing what we were called to do. 

Remember the Proverbs 31 woman ladies! 

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character  (Proverbs 31:10-31)

^{10 [b]}A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Just Keep Swimming...

I am really slacking on my blogging.  Believe me, I realize this.  It's not how I want to be, yet I am.  The word "helpless" comes to mind.  This made me look up "helpless" on the thesaurus.  It came up with words like: incapable (ouch), incompetent, vulnerable, debilitated, defenseless, dependent, feeble, forlorn, unable, unfit (double ouch), and weak.  Yep, that pretty much sums me up these past couple months.  I could easily throw myself into a deep depression and say poor me...which don't get me wrong...I've done a few times.  But I am trying to get up every day and find little things to be thankful for. 
My children are healthy, even if my house is a mess. 
My sheets are washed, even if you could write your name on my side table. haha
My parents are coming to see me, even though I can't be the hostess I want to be.
I made dinner 3 nights in a week, even though Bo had to clean up the dishes for us.
My house is warm, even if my heating oil bills are more like a house payment. 
Jesus is my strength, even when I have none left. 
He never leaves me, even when I don't have the energy to give him anything in return.

Isn't He good.  Isn't He powerful.  He's all the opposites of the word helpless.  He is capable.  He is competent.  He is my defense.  He is strong.  He is able.  Thank you Lord for being those things for me. 

Psalm 29:11
The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Isaiah 33:2
O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.

Isaiah 40:29
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

2 Thessalonians 3:3 But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.

I take great encouragment from these verses.  When I can't get up off the couch and feel like an unfit mother.  Or when I look around at the mess crashing down around me.  And when I'm so weak I can't carry the boys up the stairs, I have to believe that God will bring me through this.  There is blessing at the end of the trial.  Only 26 more weeks until this baby gets here.  I must press on.  Thank you for the prayers everybody.  I am so appreciative.

Time Flies

Wow, is it September already?  I totally got sidetracked through August I guess.  We had tons and tons of people visiting.  So between cleaning and cooking and life, August is gone.  I never knew until I was parent that life goes so quickly.  My mom and dad used to tell me how fast the time was going as I was growing up.  To me, it was turtle slow.  But to them the years seemed to coast and even get confusing as to what happened when.  I'm finally understanding what they meant.  My baby is 4 years old?  My other baby is 15 months?  I'm not quite sure how they grew so quickly, but I also don't remember what life was like without them.

Brody and I have started preschool again this year.  Last year we did 2 or 3 days a week, and this year we are going to increase that to 3 or 4 days a week.  It's really quite easy when you have an easy learner.  He's like a sponge for information.  So since he's really been into dinosaurs, this week we are focusing on that.  I am having to re-program his mind to understanding that God created the world and the dinosaurs, there was no meteor that out of nowhere that made earth.  And there is nothing that evolved or is evolving and the earth is not millions of years old.  Here I thought I was helping him by letting him watch Discovery on Netflix.  So, I'm explaining that what he has learned is actually a lie...it's a little difficult, but he's getting it.  Next week we are going to start talking about fall and all the fun stuff that goes with that.  I could spend weeks upon weeks with that.  I love fall.  It's so beautiful. 

Gage on the other hand has decided that he will never walk.  I mean really, he's 15 months old...13 if you count the prematurity, and he just sees no use for it.  Of course he cruises anything he possibly can, but as for letting go, that's not happening.  He has a new fake laugh that is hilarious and loves to kiss and wrestle his brother all the time.  I love that cuddle bug.

Life on the farm has slowed a bit with fall coming.  We are all done inseminating animals and now the bull and the billy's are finishing up their job for the year.  You have never seen them so happy. :)  Bo is still moving the cattle and hasn't started to feed hay just yet.  That is a blessing because of how dry it has been.  It still seems way too early to even think about feeding hay, but that's what lack of rain does to the fields.  It's the cycle of life for a farmer.  There's always the unknown to worry about, but thankfully God is in control. 

And He is more in control than what Bo and I thought as well.  We were kind of on the fence as to if we were going to have another baby.  I was more open to it, but thought I really liked the distance between the boys.  I figured I could probably talk Bo into it in a year or two.  What neither of us planned on was God's plan...haha!  He has a way of saying, "Ummm...remember me, I'm the ultimate planner.  I got it all under control!"  Well, He really surprised us in July when we found out we were going to add another little one to the mix.  I was in total shock and oblivion.  Neither one of us could believe it, but after several tests we decided it was probably true.  Tomorrow is our first ultrasound to see the little peanut.  We will know all the details then.  From what I can calculate I'm about 10 weeks along and due the first weekish of April.  So yeah, surprise!  If you think about it, please pray with us as we are believing that this baby is perfect and will go full-term and that this morning/all day/night sickness will subside soon.  Bo is really tired of frozen pizza and cleaning the house.  :)

Assured

I'm sitting here trying to hold it together while my two boys are napping.  The grief and the ache of what was once to be is again brought to my attention.  Two years ago we were expecting our second child.  Bo had come through the kitchen door and I was holding the stick to announce to him our second baby was on the way.  We wanted to wait to tell our families until we could see them in person.  A week went by in excitement and anticipation and pure joy.  That weekend I woke up not feeling quite right.  I went to the restroom and found that I was miscarrying.  Nothing can prepare you for this.  We then had to to tell our clueless parents that I had lost their grandchild.  It plummeted us both into a deep pit of despair.  I became very depressed and very upset with God.  Bo was the same.  Those questions that always arise in crisis were overwhelming our thoughts.  "God, you could have prevented this!"  "What have we done to deserve this?!"  "Aren't we doing everything right?"  And many more.  It took lots of time and examining of our hearts to decide what we believed to be true about God.  I'm sure any one having to deal with the death of a loved one has to go through a process of grieving and then healing.  He showed us so much in that time and we will never be the same. 

I have never lost a family member that I've been close to.  And it sort of freaks me out to think about it.  My mom and dad and I are super close and if either of them ever went to be with Jesus, I think I would have a nervous breakdown.  Just thinking about it makes me get panicky.  But just last week I finally had a moment where I thought about death and I was okay.  I was thinking of mom and dad and how much I miss them and what would I do if they weren't there anymore.  And I was at peace.  I thought, "I will die and go to heaven someday as well...and I will be with them forever."  How reassuring.  How blessed I am to have two parents who love the Lord as I do and I am not worried where they will be when that time comes.  And how blessed I am to go through a grieving process where I can come to the end knowing that Jesus himself is holding my baby in His arms just waiting for me to get there to see her again.  Brings tears of joy that He loves me that much and tears of pain that I missed out on knowing that life.  I love raising my boys and it's part of my calling, so that hurts even more. 

But God is faithful.  He is the life-GIVER, not taker.  And His promises are true. 

I recently was watching a show on NBC called, "Is Heaven For Real?"  Of course there are so many answers to that from so many religions.  But what really caught my attention was the lady who was an atheist.  She was saying how religious people just hold on to heaven as a crutch to get through their grief that they will see their loved ones again.  And as an atheist she just thinks that you just get this one life, so make the best of it.  It was really shocking and sad to me.  You do just get this one life on earth, and I do believe we should use our gifts and talents that God gave us to further His Kingdom.  But that's not it.  If you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, He is right now preparing a place for you to come to whenever this life is over.  I pray that I will live until His second coming.  I pray I get to hear the sound of that trumpet and meet Him in the clouds and have Him hand my baby back to me with all joy. 

I live with this assurance every day.  Praise God that He loved me first and that I chose to love Him back!  We all have a choice...if you want to know more about what Jesus did for you, please click on the link.  http://www.godssimpleplan.org/gsps-english.html

John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”

Romans 8:16-17 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

2 Corinthians 5:6-8So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.

1 Thessalonians 4:16-18For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.

Romans 8:38-39 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 14:8 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.

Dream

There are times in our lives when we have different aspirations.  When I was in high school and college, my dreams were different than they are now.  If you would have asked me then, it would have sounded something like, "to graduate, to become a teacher, to get married, to have kids."  And I didn't realize until the past few weeks, that those dreams have come to fruition.  Several people have challenged me recently to think about what I want in life.  What has God laid on my heart? 
And as I have started to think on this again, I have realized that new dreams are there.  They don't sound lofty...like get my master's or doctorate...which is totally awesome for those of you doing that.  And I think I've been a little embarrassed to verbally speak my longings to anyone besides my husband for fear of being judged too harshly.  But I decided it might help someone to be okay with the dreams God has placed on their own heart. 

So right now, in this time of my life, I believe God is preparing my family for a dream He has laid on our hearts.  And Bo and I are separate people, but it seems we are knit together by common goals and dreams.  I have loved becoming more of a farm girl and have truly grown to like our animals and wide open spaces.  I don't think we will ever live in a town again.  Unless God verbally tells us to. :)  But I honestly have this longing or pull in my heart to be a teacher to my children.  Which in the world's standards is waaaay out there.  And even to my own at one time.  But God has obviously been changing my heart on that matter.  Another is to work together as a family, growing and learning and teaching our children what it means to work hard.  I feel like so many of the next generation has an entitlement attitude.  And I want to instill a core value of a good work ethic in my children.  I want my children to be kind to others and genuine and loving.  I want them to look a little different by the way that they act.  I want that for myself as well.  I want to be Jesus to others.  I probably seem a little cuckoo to people at times.  But that's okay with me.  I'm sure people looked at Jesus like He was smoking something. haha!  Like the woman at the well...lepers...lame...blind...the outcasts... 
Someday I hope to engage people daily by having a little farmer's market.  Which I know seems strange to many.  But I've become okay with being strange. :)  I am who I am.  I am not like anyone else.  I am a child of God and He has a unique and perfect plan for me.  Don't shy away from what God is leading you toward.  Listen closely to His direction.  So many people are doing their usual jobs and their dreams seem like only dreams that will never happen.  But what if you followed those dreams that He has placed on your heart.  What if you gave them a chance and asked God if that was from Him and something He wants you to do.  What if you could be doing your dream job!  Praise the Lord if you have stepped out in faith to do what He has called you to do.  Bo and I believe God is leading us on a path toward a dream that He made for us...each of us a little different...but funny how God made them knit together.  He thinks of everything. :o) 
And don't freak out if you don't think you have a dream.  Ask God to let you know what He wants you to do.  I thought for a moment a few weeks ago that I didn't have a purpose or a dream but when I truly took the time to seek His will, they were magnified in my heart.  It was like a peace settled on me.  And dreams change too.  Keep asking God and surrendering you heart to Him so that you are not so focused on the dream that you miss a detour.  Sometimes we need to be changed and molded first before we can completely obtain our dreams.  Obviously I don't have all the answers of how to achieve your dreams.  But I do know God has plans for us.  He wants good for us.  And all we have to do is ask to be directed. 

The plans of the heart belong to man,
but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.
All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
but the Lord weighs the spirit.
Commit your work to the Lord,
and your plans will be established. Proverbs 16:1-3

The heart of man plans his way,
but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9

O Lord, you are my God;
I will exalt you; I will praise your name,
for you have done wonderful things,
plans formed of old, faithful and sure.  Isaiah 25:1

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.  James 4:13-16

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:25-33

Faithful Fred

Ya know, I used to think bats were bad.  And I don't mean wooden ones.  I mean little rodent, bug-eating bats that fly around and you are scared may turn on you and "vant to suck your blood!"  We haven't had a mosquito bite in 2 years because last summer and this summer we have had a small bat infestation.  Last year one got in the house and Brody and I (Gage wasn't home yet) took cover under a blanket screaming for our lives.  Bo chased it upstairs and killed it with a broom.  Then proceeded to tell me that he's sure that they are some type of little demon.  And had a terrifying shiver.  It was traumatic for him.  Yet he's not afraid of a coyote????  But all in all, bats are good.  They take care of all our bugs and as long as they are outside I'm cool. 

Well this year, we had faithful Fred.  (See him hanging there)  Fred never leaves.  And I love Fred because he hangs up on top of the house.  His guano (fancy word for bat poo) doesn't get on anything and I feel no danger from him.  He is here every day and has never left us all summer.  But he has some unruly friends who have decided to make their home sweet home right by my door.  It's disturbing...there's guano all over by my door every morning, and little screeching noises every time I open the door to go in or out.  I act like a maniac trying to get in and out of the house every day.  I open the door and yell, "run Brody!"  And I'm always thinking I'm going to be attacked or one will fly in the house and bite us and we will all get rabies.  It's very frightening.  The weird thing is, they will be here for like 3 or 4 days and then they leave for a week and then are back.  So I was trying to think of a really cool story to go with the bats.  Or an amazingly great comparison.  And all I can come up with is that I want to be like Fred.  Sounds a little creepy at first. :)  But he's faithful, steady, not swayed by his friends.  His friends are drifters...when they get what they want, they move on to the next place they can find their sustenance.  Fred just waits it out.  I want that quality.  I want to be unmovable in my faith.  When life gets hard, I want to be unshakable.  I want to believe that no matter what my God is gonna bring me through.  Always has, Always will.  So that may be a stretch...but in your heart...don't you kind of want to be like Fred?  Any other insight anyone has would be greatly appreciated.  Or a verse you want to share?

Where the other bats reside...right by my kitchen door!