For Good

Romans 8:28 says "We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God-those whom He has called according to His plan."

You've heard this verse.  You've doubted it through a trial.  I've doubted it through a trial.  The anniversary of my biggest trial to date is tomorrow June 1st.  Then proceeded the longest 5 weeks of my life.  Time slowed down almost to a standstill.  Every hour that went by seemed to tick tick tick away. 
It started Friday the 13th of May.  I know, I know, but we aren't superstitious.  I went in for my routine check-up at the doctor for baby number 2.  We then went to McDonald's for lunch, and while sitting there I thought I peed my pants.  Turns out I can hold my bladder, and my water had broken at 29 weeks.  I was rushed to Miami Valley Hospital by ambulance.  That was wild!  They got my labor stopped and then I was stuck on bedrest at the hospital until the baby would come.  Our world was turned upside down.  Brody, who was used to having his mommy at all times, was now with daddy.  And daddy, who was used to having his wife at all times, was now mommy, daddy, auditor, goat herder, and cattle man.  That's a lot of jobs for anyone.  It took a quick toll on him and my mother-n-law showed up to help take the load off during the week, and then my parents would come on the weekends.  It makes me tear up when I think that during those 3 weeks before Gage was born I never went a day without seeing Brody or having a visitor.  I felt very loved.  Thank you friends and family for loving me that much. 



Well, today, one year ago I started having more intense contractions that were far apart.  But about 11 pm that night they were about 3 minutes apart.  Doctor came to check and said, "we need to get her down to the OR."  I had a natural birth, but we were there in case things turned bad for me.  I called Bo and he came immediately.  At 5 am, June 1st, Gage Kenneth Troyer was born.  He came out screaming and we had tears of joy that he was breathing.  He was 31 weeks old and weighed 4 lbs. 4 oz.  He never needed oxygen.  His biggest hurdles were figuring out how to eat without a feeding tube and regulating his body temperature...which he still has difficulties with.  Anyway, 3 weeks went by at a snails pace visiting him twice a day at the hospital.  I couldn't think of anything else when I was at home besides being at the hospital.  And when I was at the hospital I felt guilty that Brody wasn't getting my attention.  Needless to say I was depressed.  Bo and I were both bone tired and cranky.  We would just hold each other and cry.  It was so hard.  But we finally made it to the day we could take him home.  He would have been 34 weeks in my belly.  We went in that morning believing we could take our baby home and were hit by a brick wall.  That night, Gage started having bloody stools, and they immediately did some x-rays to see that his bowels were infected.  He had something called NEC...necrotizing entercolitis.  They proceeded to tell us the horrible odds that almost all babies have to have part of their colons removed...or the 40 percent death rate.  I couldn't let myself go there.  I refused to believe my baby would die.  I had to or else I would have died inside as well. 

They immediately put him on strong meds and he was in the hospital another 2 weeks fighting this infection before we got him home.  He lived and he had no side effects in his bowels!

(Gage's 1st day home)

That was a miracle.  I realize this story is not personal to you.  And it's kind of long, but it is a testimony to our God.  When we thought the worst was happening, God, in His mighty goodness and power, turned it all for good.  Our Gage is a crawling miracle baby.  And tomorrow he turns 1 year old.  He isn't walking like a lot of babies his age, or saying any words.  But that will come in time.  He is living and breathing and we are beyond blessed with this life God has entrusted to us at this time.  Happy Birthday Gage Kenneth Troyer.  You bring us tears of joy!

(new sandbox!!!)

Protector

We had some tragedy at the farm a few weeks back.  A coyote or two came during the night and caught two baby goats for their dinner.  They also left one little baby with a hole in the top of its head and in the bottom of its jaw, which caused its mouth to close unnaturally.  Bo and I affectionately started calling her jack-jaw.  Awwww...aren't we sweet. :)
So back to the story.  We bought a guard dog.  A wonderful two year old Great Pyrenees named Buddy.  And while Buddy's name sounds playful, his demeanor is no such thing.  He is here to do a job.  He doesn't have time to be petted or played with or loved on.  He has goats to watch and herd and will not come near us.  He is an amazing work dog...he's just not a pet.  And we are learning to be okay with that.  We already have a pet, Bear, who will love you more than you want to be loved.  He's a 150 pound Bernese Mountain Dog.  And he still believes with all his heart that he is a puppy.
But, this story is not about Bear. 
So we got Buddy home.  We let him out into the goat pen, and he immediately went to each baby goat and smelled them.  He walked the perimeter of the fence and checked out every little thing.  Then he went to work checking each noise and howling of the wind.  It was about 9 at night, and that's when they are most on alert is during the night.  So he went right to work doing what he does.  Being the guardian of the goats. :)
 
This is a picture of Buddy.  Isn't he cute.  Don't you want to cuddle him.  Well, it's not possible.  I wanted to take some better pictures of him with the goats, but he runs like the wind every time I go out there. :) 
Every day I see him out there barking an alarm to the goats if there's any suspicious noise, or cuddling all the babies around him during his naps, or herding them in before the storm hits, and I am reminded of our very own protector.  Doesn't He do all those things for us.  He is our guardian (guard dog), which is someone that prevents injury.  He is whispering a warning in our ear about something, He holds us close when we feel alone.  He's always there whether we acknowledge it or not.  He is preparing us for the storms of this imperfect life.  But I think I don't always allow myself to be protected.  I can do this crazy life.  Or I am so caught up in life that I forget that He's still sitting there with me if only I will recognize His presence.  If I will listen to His voice trying to prevent me from failure.  If we fully trust in Him, He will be with us through the hard times and the great times...and all the in-between times.  He's always there watching, waiting, protecting.  Just call out to Him.  He wants to take care of us. 
Psalm 91
 You who sit down in the High God's presence, spend the night in Shaddai's shadow,
Say this: "God, you're my refuge.
I trust in you and I'm safe!"
That's right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you're perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God's your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can't get close to you,
harm can't get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they'll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.

^14-16 "If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
"I'll get you out of any trouble.
I'll give you the best of care
if you'll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I'll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!"

Birth

It never ceases to amaze me at each new life we help bring in to the world here.  I can't imagine how rewarding it is to be a labor and delivery nurse with all the excitement and fulfillment you get when ushering a new babe into the world.  There's just a sense of awe and wonder, and absolute amazement.  I am feeling that way today and have been feeling that way since our animals started delivering this year. 

I had to assist Bo in delivering a very large calf the other day.  Now I know I don't look like the type to be a farmer's wife...which is what everyone tells me.  I'm not sure what a farmer's wife is supposed to look like???  Do I look like a city girl???  Well anyway, I had been watching this heifer all day long.  She would lay down and stand up and was fidgety.  I walked out to her and saw the water sac coming out.  It is what proceeds the front hooves.  Once it bursts, you can almost bet that shortly you will have a calf.  Well, I let her be and came out to check her a while later.  Still nothing.  I could tell she was getting very uncomfortable.  And usually by this time several things could be the problem.  Bo thankfully pulled in the drive from work and walked her into the corrals.  He checked and figured out the baby wasn't breech, so that was good.  But, it wasn't budging either.  I helped him get the chains wrapped around the hooves that were sticking out and then when she would contract, we would pull.  After about 10-15 minutes of pulling, we finally had the largest calf I've ever seen. 
    

                         

Typically, a calf weighs about 70 lbs.  Well this little bull calf weighed a whopping 120 lbs.  There was no way this first time mama was gonna push that monster out.  Praise the Lord Bo came when he did, because otherwise he would have suffocated in there.  There was no way I was gonna pull him myself.  Well as soon as he hit the ground, I was cheering and screaming and crying all at the same time.  Brody was watching in a bit of fear.  But started cheering with me when he saw she was okay.  What a great feeling.  LIFE! 

I was thinking what a celebration it is for each one of us that are re-born.  We get born into the kingdom of God and He is probably crying with joy over one more who gets to spend eternity with Him.  How amazing!  This life is so precious.  It makes me want to roam the streets proclaiming that our time is so short.  The Word says it's like a mist...here and then gone.  It makes me ache with longing for my loved ones to know the One my heart yearns for.  To have that relationship that makes all the difference in the world.  Our time is short, let's share life with the world, eternal life.

You do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  James 4:14

Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.   John 17:3

Under Attack!

At 4:00 yesterday evening, our 10 month old Gage, woke from his nap.  Earlier in the day he had a little runny nose, which I attributed to teething.  It was clear, there was a low-grade fever...all normal things.  I think as a mama you are constantly assessing the situation and praying you have it under control.  He woke up moaning and I went to get him.  He just laid his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes.  This is not normal behavior for Gage.  If you have seen him at all, the child doesn't sit still.  He is what we call a wallower.  So while I was enjoying the moment of him resting on me I could feel he was somewhat warm.  I took him downstairs and laid him on the floor to change his diaper.  His little arms and legs started turning blue and his face was beat red.  And he was acting like he couldn't breathe.  I immediately picked him up and started checking him.  Something was not right.  His eyes were closed and if he tried to open them they rolled back in his head.  We took him to Children's and they told us he had a 104 temp.  He had some kind of a virus that was causing the fever.  And Gage and fevers just don't mix.  A few months ago he was having seizures from fevers.  The child has never regulated his temp well.  It's been that way since the beginning when he came too early and was in that little isolate for 5 weeks. 

All that to say, I am feeling broken today.  It seems like this week the enemy is trying to gain a foothold.  I prayed and cried to God last night to bind the enemy and make him leave.  It has just been one thing after another.  I feel like I have been attacked personally, emotionally, spiritually, and now my family physically.  But it's nothing new.  He is always trying to find little ways to puncture our walls.  Maybe he can get something to give way and find a way in.  I ask for prayer from you all.  I'm just tired of fighting at this moment.  I need renewed strength. 

As I was praying this morning I was thinking of how horrible it is to see our children suffering.  And it just made me think how our Father sympathizes with us when we are suffering.  Jesus is praying on my behalf to the Father.  How comforting.  Jesus, the son of God, loves me that much to remember me and pray for me.  So I am holding on to this today...Psalm 27:1-2 The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the strength of my life; of Whom shall I be afraid?  When the wicked came against me to eat up my flesh, My enemies and foes, they stumbled and fell...

Here are some other scriptures to help during attack.

Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. James 4:7

Put on God's whole armor [the armor of a heavy-armed soldier which God supplies], that you may be able successfully to stand up against [all] the strategies and the deceits of the devil. Ephesians 6: 11

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6: 12

You shall not fear them, for the Lord your God shall fight for you. Deuteronomy 3: 22

[And indeed] the Lord will certainly deliver and draw me to Himself from every assault of evil. He will preserve and bring me safe unto His heavenly kingdom. To Him be the glory forever and ever. Amen (so be it).
2 Timothy 4: 18
Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you. ~ Luke 10:19

The Mama Guilt Battle

Guilt...usually something referred to after committing an offense or a feeling after something you have done wrong.  Then why so often do I feel this emotion as a mother.  I mean I love staying home with our boys.  It's truly a privilege and it has paid off more than any monetary value ever could.  I have friends who would love to be able to stay home with their little ones.  But whether you are a stay at home mama or a working mama, this feeling of guilt creeps its ugly head into our mind and thoughts. 

There are days when I look a total mess...buried under a mountain of laundry, still in my jams, trying to find a few minutes to shower, making a grocery list, dishwasher full, sink full, need to vaccuum, trash full, toys are everywhere, deciding on dinner, check on the animals...aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh the list goes on.  I feel overwhelmed.  And on top of that I need to give my boys the attention that they need.  How do we do it all and make time for our husbands at the end of the day??? 

It's an ugly thing this mama guilt.  It robs me of joy, whispers lies, and tells me I will never be good enough.

The things that help me through are the powerful truths in the word that refute the lies the enemy is trying to feed me. 

2 Corinthians 12:9,10 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Romans 8:1-3a “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.”

Philippians 4: 4-6 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

So here I am trying to boast in my weakness.  Deciding today not to feel the lie of condemnation.  That is not from my God.  Remind yourself the list is not a MUST to get done today.  The list will be there tomorrow.  I'm not saying that you should just let your house fall apart, but these little lives that you are touching matter much more for eternity.  No one ever said, "man if I only could have mopped that floor one more time."  ;) 

I know each day I am going to have to renew my committment to choose joy, choose love, choose to get done what I can and get to the rest later.  I want to enjoy these few years while my children are at home.  Enjoy them and play and learn with them.  Enjoy sitting on the porch with my husband and drinking a glass of iced tea watching Brody run like a maniac.  This life is too quick...

Delivered

We had our first calf of the year last week.  A little heifer calf...for those of you who are farm illiterate, that means girl calf.  haha.  She was just perfect.  Here she is with her mama.

Well, the next couple days we had some unwanted visitors.  A male and female coyote got news of her arrival and thought she might make a nice meal for them.  It happened to be Sunday morning while I was at church practicing, so Bo was home alone with the boys.  He had just put Gage down for a nap and looked out to see something moving around in the woods.  He realized what it was and went to go get his rifle.  Brody stayed inside and watched the action through his "minoculars."  :)  Let's just say Bo was blessed because he not only got one, but both of the coyotes. 

Here are the rascals.  Just a normal day at the farm.  And just another normal day for the life of a believer and especially a new believer.  Whether we are spritually mature or a brand new baby in Christ, the enemy loves to attack us.

It made me think of the verse about new believers drinking milk, "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation..."(I Peter 2:2).  I correlated that to the calf.  She obviously is only drinking her mama's milk.  She's just a new baby, and she is being attacked by these wild coyotes.  Just like a newborn calf is at it's weakest and most vulnerable point in life, a new believer is at their most vulnerable point in their walk with Christ, and therefore, is immediately targeted for attack.  Satan is immediately there trying to place doubts about God or their salvation in their minds, or unwanted thoughts and temptations in their hearts.

Thankfully, the Word gives us courses of action we can take: 
"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7 Speak up to the devil in the name of Jesus. "Greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." Jesus said, "I am with you [always]."

Then our protector, defender, conqueror, shield, deliverer will come to the rescue.  (Bo and his 30/30)  He is right there with us the whole time.  He can and will intervene in the midst of trial and helplessness.  Praise God!!!

Psalm 27:1-2 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell...

Psalm 18:1-7  How I love you, Lord! You are my defender.  The Lord is my protector; he is my strong fortress. My God is my protection, and with him I am safe. He protects me like a shield; he defends me and keeps me safe.  I call to the Lord, and he saves me from my enemies. Praise the Lord!  The danger of death was all around me; the waves of destruction rolled over me.  The danger of death was around me, and the grave set its trap for me.  In my trouble I called to the Lord; I called to my God for help. In his temple he heard my voice; he listened to my cry for help... 

P.S.  When someone you love comes to know the Lord, lift them up in prayer.  Pray with them, encourage them in their walk with the Lord.  Take them through a discipleship program. 

Pause

Isn't it amazing how we can be watching a movie and we are in need of a drink, so we just pause it so we can begin right where we left off when we get back.  I have been feeling that feeling all week.  I wish I could just pause life right now.  My little boys are getting older by the minute.  This is the last year in my twenties...waaaaaah!  And the unknowns in life are before me.  Deep breath!

So this week I am trying to enjoy the simple things.  Brody and I have played outside every day this week.  We have ran all over the farm.  Today we went to check our cow that has been "going to calve" (per Bo) all week.  Obviously birth is not that easy.  I told him they are like people.  Some women go longer than their due date and some before.  She's really not even due til tomorrow.  But what do I know.  ;) We filled up water tanks, checked on the goats, threw sticks for Bear...the list goes on.  Gage is usually with us, but today he happened to take an extra long nap.  So it was just me and Brody.  We don't get to do that too often anymore. 

Then there's my Gager (Brody's nickname for his bro).  He had his 9 month check-up today.  (sigh)  Where did the time go.  He brings such joy to our lives.  He's always smiling and giggling.  Although getting his two front teeth are quite a workout.  He keeps screaming because he is biting his fingers.  Poor little guy.  Every milestone he makes is a little victory in my heart.  It's still all too real sitting with him in the hospital for 5 weeks straight.  Our lives were forever changed from that...in a good way. 

So, here I sit.  Gage still sleeping, Brody watching Rio, Bo at work dreaming of the weekend :), and me using these spare few minutes to meditate on how thankful I am for now.  Of course life isn't perfect.  We all have our little issues that we deal with every day.  But at this moment I am going to take a minute to pause and let the feeling of thankfulness and greatfulness of life wash over me.  God, you are good. 

Ephesians 5:20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ...